BULL MARKET
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET
Another random market movement causing months where the children get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING
The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER
How much broker my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR
Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST
The idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER
A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION
The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
PROFIT
An archaic word no longer in use.
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